Exes and Expectations: Shedding the Weight of Society's Script

...don't do drugs or anything stupid and then I will be able to secure a stable career, make more money, and have more freedom and opportunity in life. I was taught that it was extra important to be “nice” so people would like me (eh hem... approve of me), to strive for a relationship with a "nice" man, and prioritize being a wife and mother, too. And I did all of these things—or at least I tried really, really hard to. I checked the boxes: I got the degrees, stayed out of too much trouble, got married to a man in the military, and had the kids. Life's perfect, right? Check that box, too…

Alright, so not quite. Nearly ten years ago exactly, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life: I left an unhealthy marriage. Not because it was abusive or outwardly catastrophic, but because it was a marriage built on what society wanted for me, not what I truly wanted for myself. Walking away wasn’t easy—it meant walking into the unknown, charting my own path forward as a single mom of three.

I’ve spent the better part of these past ten years unlearning what I was taught to aspire to. And I’ve come to realize just how deeply society, wittingly or unwittingly conditions us, especially as women, to squeeze ourselves into boxes that often have nothing to do with what we actually want. We're rarely ever taught to prioritize ourselves—more often, quite the opposite.

The Expectations We Carry

From a young age, we’re conditioned to aspire to roles and achievements that serve the world’s script, not our soul’s desires. Be a “good” girl. Get married. Have kids. Build a career that looks good on paper. Stay in your lane. Be nice—don’t make waves. This isn't to say that any of this is necessarily done with mal-intent, oh no, it's usually done with the best of intentions, particularly by those closest to us that we look up to.

But being “nice” often just means suppressing who we really are to make others comfortable. It’s not about being kind, genuine, or true to ourselves. And the problem with this kind of niceness is that it chips away at the self, little by little, until one day, you wake up and wonder, Is this who I really am?

The same goes for careers. Maybe you were good at math, so someone said you should be an accountant. Or you were good at arguing your points, and someone said you should “become a lawyer.” So you followed the logical path. But what if what you really wanted to do was garden, ride bicycles all day, paint, or write? Those dreams were shoved to the bottom of the priority list, buried under “real” responsibilities like "real" jobs, family, and the home that always needs tending to.

The Courage to Question

I’ve learned that questioning these expectations isn’t only difficult—it’s revolutionary. For so long, we’ve been taught that our worth comes from fulfilling these roles: the good wife/girlfriend, the Pinterest-worthy super mom, the dependable employee. Simply questioning these roles can feel like questioning our very identity. Who are we even if not any of these things?

But what if we gently peeled back the layers? What if we asked ourselves, Do I even want this? Am I truly happy? Is this fulfilling me? Who am I without these things?

These are scary questions because they force us to confront the possibility that we’ve been living someone else’s dream for us instead of our own, except, they're not the ones paying the dues—we are. As scary as these questions may feel, they’re also the first step toward something truly incredible: living a life that aligns with who we truly are—a life that honors the little girl inside of each of us.

Small Steps Toward Alignment

I didn’t flip the script overnight. I couldn’t if I tried—it’s not that simple. But I did start taking small steps toward living a life that felt true to me. As silly as this may sound, I began living my life by a set of quotes: "2 things: if it makes you happy, do it; if it doesn't, don't." And, "What if I fall? 'But, oh my darling, what if you fly?'" I leaned into all the things, big and small, that brought me joy and peace, even if they didn’t fit the mold.

For me, that was entrepreneurship. I come from a middle-class family that valued stability over risk, but I’m hardwired to create, build, and dream. Pursuing this path hasn’t been easy—it’s meant tirelessly battling imposter syndrome, financial stress, and the constant murmur of doubt when I'm not careful. But it’s also given me a sense of purpose that no traditional job ever could.

And while my life isn’t perfect—I’m still a single mom juggling bills and student debt—it’s mine. My kids see me chasing what matters to me, and I hope that gives them permission to do the same someday. Candidly, I did find a fair amount of success for myself, invested into Bitcoin, and had it hacked last year, and so, now we work on the come up again! I share this so say that following your own path can certainly bear plenty of fruit and it doesn’t mean a life cemented in “struggle”.

Giving Yourself Permission

As women, we often wait for permission. To rest. To dream. To put ourselves first. But the truth is, no one is going to hand us that permission slip. We have to hand it to ourselves.

Start small. Maybe it’s taking a cooking class or planting a garden. Maybe it’s saying no to something that doesn’t serve you. Maybe it’s just sitting quietly and asking yourself what you truly want.

The answers might not come all at once. And that’s okay. This isn’t about overhauling your life overnight—it’s about creating space for the things that make your soul sing—creating space for you to be the you'est you that you can be, and to do so without apology to those who cast their expectations onto to you for you.

Leading by Living Authentically

Living authentically isn’t just for you—it’s for everyone watching. Your kids, your friends, your community. When you choose to shed expectations and embrace your truth, you’re giving others permission to do the same.

Not everyone will understand. Some people might criticize or question your choices. But the ones who matter will stick by you. And in breaking free, you’ll inspire others to do the same. This will look differently for everyone. For me, I'm an ex-wife and an ex-CMO. After losing myself in a marriage that wasn't for me, no matter how much of myself I poured into it, and then losing myself again as a CMO for a high-pressure, chaotic, public, tech company, shedding my exes and expectations has been a regular part of honoring the little girl I once was before the world told me who I was to be.

A Gentle Rebellion

Choosing to live a life aligned with your soul feels like an act of rebellion in a world that demands conformity. But it’s the kind of rebellion we need. It’s not about burning everything down—it’s about building something better, one step at a time.

So here’s to the exes: the ex-roles, ex-expectations, and ex-relationships that no longer serve us. And here’s to the courage to ask ourselves what we truly want—and the strength to go after it.

Because at the end of the day, the only expectations that truly matter are the ones we set for ourselves.

If you enjoyed this post and found yourself relating, I welcome you to join Her Ventures, my newly-launched online community for women entrepreneurs starting and growing their businesses, from solo-creators to unicorn-startup creators, and all those in between.